My life :D

2010-03-18T18:12:00.001+08:00

what is wrong?

2010-03-14T00:32:00.000+08:00

i was just thinking about seeing you
and you appeared right in front of me
but you were gone long ago, but nice seeing your botak head anyway...

emo is coming to town

2010-03-05T17:39:00.000+08:00

mushroom says im a stalker
SUA
YOU GOOD
YOU ASSHOLEEE
SAY I STALKER

I HATE YOUUUUU

Ok that's enoughzx
I just got back my A level cheena.
YAYYYYYYYYYYYY, I'm so lucky :D:D

Happy half year and 2 days anniversary darling!

to yumin & sylsyl: STUDY HARD YO.

to mushroom:
STOP.EMOING.YOU.DUMBASS.
I.CAN'T.SAY.MUSHY.THINGS.TO.YOU.CAUSE.I'LL.FEEL.LIKE.FAINTING.
BUT.EH.SERIOUSLY.I.APPEAR.NOT.TO.CARE.BUT.I.CARE.OKAY.
WHEN.YOU.EMO.JUST.TELL.ME.LA.I.ALSO.KEEP.WHINING.TO.YOU.WHAT.
If you don't tell me, means you don't treat me as your close friend lor.
win liao lor.
OKAY LOR.
LORRRRRRR

What a dumb post, seriously.

2010-02-22T00:52:00.002+08:00

我终于把你放下了。

The moment I signed in to facebook,
your picture appeared RIGHT in front of me.
Eh I never go stalk hor, is people tag him in some photos.
But that's not the main point.
I admit I was taken aback when I saw that picture.
But, I won't feel sad anymore.
And when I signed in to msn, I saw your name appear.
Although I very much wanted to appear offline, I still remained online.

You will definitely be a part of my memory.
but I shall put you in the happy memories instead of sad ones.

Happy that I got the chance
to know you,
to talk to you,
to work with you,
to hate you initially when I knew you,
to laugh with you,
to laugh AT you,
to go out together,
to chat on msn until 4am when there's work the next day,
to smile whenever I think of you,
to feel scared when you used ghost stories to scare me,
to feel motivated to go for work,
to realise that your thick-skinned-ness is really cute,
to tell you about 99 and end up being made fun of by you,
to like my snowman display picture so much,
to laugh at guomeimei because she reminds me of your singing,
and everything that you have brought into my life.

you still owed me 1000 hellos.
i'm very sure you forgot about it, but, i will remember it in my heart.

these last tears,
are for you,
to thank you
for everything happy that you have given me.
and goodbye to all the sad memories i've got.

And also, goodbye to you.
we'll probably never talk again.......

P.S I NEVER EMO LAAA. I still love you all who are reading this. :D

2010-02-18T17:53:00.000+08:00

(:

I've decided to smile if i think of you accidentally,
I've decided not to be sad over you again.

Don't know what my future beholds, but I shall face it bravely.

I LOVE YOU IF YOU ARE READING THIS. REALLY. <3

2010-02-14T20:44:00.000+08:00

HUITING.
SHWUFANG.

GET OVER THAT F-INGG GUY WHO MADE OUR LIVES MISERABLE -.-
i can't believe he occupied my mind while i was on the car journey towards my relative's house.
holy crap..............

if you continue to think that everyone is superficial, then i have nothing to say......
you are just facing what i've experienced for 9999999 times
no one can help you.
only yourself.

i can't do anything
and i don't know what you want.

2010-02-12T10:16:00.003+08:00

Stupid chinese new year concert.
Ended at 930am.
-.- If i knew earlier, I won't even bother to wake up to go for school.
Stupid stupid. I even ran to school cause I was going to be late..
Shouldn't have bothered man....

Damn it, the mood swings are coming.
I can feel it -.-
Gah, seriously... What do I want?

-edit-
Life is indeed ironic.
Remember what you told me years ago when I had that feeling?
R/s is so complicated, like I've said.
I've definitely experienced way more than you even though I didn't really go into a proper r/s.
But i experienced that feeling so many times.
And remember what did you say to me?

he's not worth it. r/s is a waste of time. why you keep thinking of guys? hua chi. etc.

Ironically, or maybe it's Karma, now it happened to you.
And you finally know how I felt. how hurt I felt.
How sad I was when everything in my life seems to be reminding me of him.

And now you realise, whatever you've said to me before is practically all crap.
Cause it's impossible to just get over it like that.

Which is why you don't hear me consoling you things like "he's not worth it la, forget him la. why keep thinking of him? life got so many things to do"

Because I know these words are all useless.

What I can give you is, perhaps moral support in my heart.
I don't express it.
And perhaps you can't hear it.
But trust me, I do care.
Don't you realise my blog posts have been revolving around you too? Sigh.
i will trust you, i tell myself.

And I feel like crying now. Wtf.

Sylvia, Yumin, Yujing, Qianhui, Liwhey, Pekchoo, Ellekay, and many more.
I miss all of you lots!
Sigh.

-edit-
F myself.
Itchy fingers.
WHY DID I GO CLICK ON HIS FACEBOOK?
f f f f f f
NO!

2010-02-06T16:12:00.000+08:00

I'm supposed to be outside now.
Supposed to be happily crapping -.-
Zzzzzzzzz. FML. so now i'm trapped at home....................

finally cleared all the stinky tests... all of which i tried to study but ended up sleeping instead.
why am i such a pig?

Mushroomzx, don't be sad.... harvey norman's gone, but i'm hereeeeeee.
i won't be gone, unless, you make me gone.
i'm trying to build up the faith in you again, but, will you be really able to keep your promise?
just think that you'll regret. maybe i'm thinking too much, am i? am i?

Happy 5 months and 3 days my dearest wife. (:
Sorry to allll for not attending the gathering today.. gah. mood swingzx.

2010-01-28T16:41:00.000+08:00

Stupid dream.
I knew reality and dreams are opposite.
So I shall not brood over it......
Stupid dream!!!!!

School sucks..
So much homework, so much tests..
I regretted taking geography. So seriously.
And I sleep so early every night cause I'm too exhausted to keep myself awake.
And then I end up having no time to complete my work!

FML seriously. Real bad. ...
When is change coming?

2010-01-25T17:45:00.000+08:00

What an irony. I want to forget you, yet I'm constantly reminding myself of you.

This is my current hand phone wallpaper.

I used to be a snow woman.

You used to be a snow man.

But everything changed. And I don't know why.

We had so much to talk about.

So why did our friendship degenerate so much?

No doubt I treated you much more than just a friend...

I chose to give up, so why the hell am I talking about all these?

Because I can't do it.

I can't let go.

I stared at the white board really hard during physics remedial today.

And you came into my mind... once again.

You are starting work again today..

You will probably meet many new friends..

many new girls.

And this time round, I'll really be gone from your mind, forever.

Heartache, yet what can I do?

How much more time do I need?

The progress of forgetting you is getting less successful.

The feeling of sadness is getting more and more exhausting.

Finished my Chemistry test today. Didn't study much cause I fell asleep right after I looked at my notes.
Math test tomorrow... Seriously hope I don't flunk them.

what on earth do I owe people with J's in their names?

2010-01-24T02:25:00.000+08:00

I hate you and you.
Hate you for interfering in whatever things I want to do.
Hate you for making my life so miserable as far as I know it.
I just want to have a normal you. I just want to have some freedom.

I hate you for occupying my mind for so long.
I hate you for making me fall in love with you.
and i hate myself even more for falling for you.

Homework undone.
Tests not revised for!
I need motivation...
Studies are the only thing that could keep me preoccupied.
So that my thoughts won't go wild again...

and I hope things between you and me stay fine, like now.

2010-01-20T16:53:00.000+08:00

ahhzx, have been having this bad feeling for so many days..
and i think only you can make this feeling go away i guess -.-
yes, very insecure.

i told you i'll trust you...
but are you very sure you can give up on xxx for me?
you sure this won't happen again?
i tell myself i will trust you.
but i need your assurance.

i may be feeling upset over him,
but i'm too bothered about things between you and me to think of him already.
i need an answer from you... again

2010-01-20T16:48:00.002+08:00

想着你还是想到心痛

2010-01-17T15:49:00.002+08:00

Okay I've calmed down already.
That's fast.

2010-01-17T14:37:00.001+08:00

投入越深，伤害越深

Expected all these to happen anyway.
Seriously, I don't know what I should do now.
I know everyone means a lot to you.
But remember I told you before? That the 3 of us, can never be the same as before.
And if you make a choice between 1 of us, you will lose the other.
You promised me that time that you won't look back.
You were so sure that time.
But I knew, I KNEW, one day this would still happen.
Seriously, I don't know if I should continue moving on with you,
Or to move on without you.
I told you before, I did.
If you have her, I'll be gone from your life.
The theory still stands. Cause I don't want another history to repeat itself.
Since you can't make the decision I shall make it for you.
I'm sorry if I'm going to make you emo again or whatsoever.
Cause I already told you before.
I shall make things happen, cause it'll happen sooner or later.
Seriously I don't know how I should feel.
Angry? Sad?
No, is total loss of hope.
Let me tell you this.
In September whatever things I've did to salvage the friendship is the final thing I'll do.
I have no confidence of doing it again, is all I can say.
Since you have decided on her, then why did you even come back into my life that time?
You are just making my life miserable.
All the coming backs and leavings, you think it's fun?
Can you just bloody hell make a choice and stop looking back?
I chose you and not her. And I sticked to my choice even until now, for so many years.
Yet you? What did you give me?
Agony and pain everytime. I don't deny the fact that I made you sad for many times.
But do you know that the feeling you are giving me is betrayal?
I trusted you so much, so I came back to you. Believing that you got my point and you understood my stand and you will maintain it.

But you made me disappointed. AGAIN AND AGAIN.
Seriously, I have no rights to force you to leave her already.
And if things have no change till tonight,

I'll be out of your life,
Forever.

You chose it, not me.

2010-01-14T16:42:00.000+08:00

It's been so long, but images of you still linger in my head. But it all takes time I understand.

Lies againnnnnnnnnnnn, why?
You said you were busy. busy. busy whenever we tried to ask you out.
But in actual fact, were you really busy? I don't know.
And from what I'm seeing, you are not.
Cause you still went out with xxx.

Whatever, maybe I shouldn't even bothered in the first place right? Then I won't feel so GEK now.
Seriously, I don't know who to trust anymore.
The world is so scary.

2010-01-09T22:00:00.001+08:00

Staring at his name on the MSN list for hours, but I didn't click on it.
Staring at his facebook, but I have no courage to post anything on it.

Someone should just kill me -.-

2010-01-09T03:05:00.000+08:00

I can't deceive myself any longer.
I know I can't give up, I know I can't
I've tried for so long, cried for so many times, and end up my feelings are still the same, in fact, deeper.

The road ahead of me is still long, I'm aware of that.
And this small setback shall not bring me down.
But, I'm really very overwhelmed by this sadness, that is striking me every second.

Huiting, this is a really a good time for you to do it.
I'm not blaming you, I'm not.
In fact I'm happy for you, to be able to find that someone.
You keep telling yourself it's impossible for you to find him, but you still did.
And you found him BEFORE I did.
That's perhaps the greatest surprise in your life?
The least possible became possible.
But look at me, once thought to be the most possible, but end up? Nothing.
All the best.
Don't worry for me.

I'll get over it, I will.
Sorry for this crappy post........

just needed somewhere to cry out to.
Gbye to you.
you will be out of my life,
when i decide to push you out.

but right now, i don't think i can do it.

i should just go bang the wall now right.

2010-01-04T03:56:00.000+08:00

Hi all.
I'm fine I'm fineeeeee :D

Yesterday's Sheng Siong show was great, so high lah.

And I thought and pondered over many things this afternoon.
I believe that that would be the last time I'm crying over him.
Many flashbacks in my mind, and they will be kept in my heart.
I don't expect anything already, I want to live my life happily.

School's starting, thus my life's gonna be hectic again, with all the tests, homeworks and A's coming up.
Guess I'll have no spare time for rubbish thoughts.

I will, giveup. and I will, stay happy.

Hello 2010!

2009-12-31T19:23:00.000+08:00

Ignore this post if you are allergic to vulgar.

FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK SERIOUSLY.
This is like the fucking first time I'm allowed to go out at this kind of fucking timing.
Yet this must happened?
If I knew earlier, I wouldn't even have asked.
TOTALLY.
Fuckfuckfuckfuck.
Everything just snowballs.
ALL THE SADNESS.

fuck off lah 2009.

2009-12-31T02:10:00.000+08:00

Byebye to 2009 in 20 hours time!

Eventful year indeed.
Ended my secondary school education, got my O levels results.
Worked for the first time.
Started school in a totally new environment.

UH, so nostalgic when I recall these moments.
So many unpleasant things happened in the year too...

I must say December has indeed been one of the more memorable months.
With the start and the end of my second job.
With more friends known from work.
And with another disappointment.

Blog's gonna close down soon I guess. :)
Happy new year

2009-12-29T04:31:00.002+08:00

430am.
Not intending to sleep already.
Fell asleep by accident just now, so I'm super awake. :(
Disappointment is all I get every time I try.
Really very tired already yet SHE asks me to hang on.
Stupid :/
But somehow HER words kind of motivate me to hang on.
Zzz shit man.

i know everything's not going to turn out fine.
but i still choose to be stupid. ahhhhh. OMGGGGGG.

me want go shopping. :D

2009-12-28T03:40:00.000+08:00

Hi!
It's 3:34am now.
Don't know why I'm in a good mood.
HAHAHA.

Introducing my husband...

EVAN YO :D:D:D

P.S Huiting, actually I only wanted to blog about evan yo.

but you say I up to no good leh. zzz

So i shall be up to no good. :)

Goodnights seeyou laterr HAHAHAHA

2009-12-28T00:01:00.001+08:00

Twodays.

Can I hold on longer?
I don't wish to give up.
Don'twantdon'twantdon'twant!

But do I have a choice?

2009-12-25T21:01:00.000+08:00

明知道不可能，却还是傻傻地等待。
明知道被利用，却不介意。
明知道会受到伤害，却还是选择去尝试。

笨。

2009-12-25T15:07:00.001+08:00

Pictures of yesterday up on my facebook,
so shall not post much here. (:

behind every smile, there's a sorrow.

took a photo with Santa Claus @ 313. (:

and darling wanted to see her DERRICK HO.

not too bad, cause got free coke to drink. haha.

We are Santa girls. :)

And we saw Yujing at Cine, what a coincidence. :)

Took the train home with Syl darling and Yujing. :)

It was a pleasant train trip, although my leg was hurting like hell already.

Yujing likes some guy xxxxxx

It shall be a secret :)

But don't worry I'll help you ask for his number, haha. Jiayou worszxzx.

hate myself for feeling this way again.

i told myself not to think too much into it again.

but everything i do seems to be reminding me of you.

why is heaven always playing such a joke on me?

so near, yet so far.

might as well DON'T appear at all right?

save me the agony please.

By the way,

Merry Christmas everyone. (:

2009-12-25T00:34:00.001+08:00

Wah tired man.
Merry Christmas to everyone!

Lazy to upload pictures yay. :D

2009-12-23T18:16:00.001+08:00

Woo, happy happy.
Here I am to blog AGAIN. HAHAHA.

22nd December 2009 - Gathering for those people who worked in Sembcorp as stock takers! HAHA. Only 7 turned up though, we had 12 for the dinner on the last day of work.
But, still not too bad lah, (: even if the 3 guys came it might not cause any difference cause they don't socialise with us. Tsk. HAHA.

Attendance: Norman, Peiying, Eileen, Evangeline, Samantha, Huiting, ME :)

Norman! :D

Eileen! :D

Evangeline! :D

Samantha! :D

Peiying and Huiting!

Huiting, Norman, Eileen and Evangeline are supposed to meet at BoonLay MRT station at 1pm.

I was late abit, reached at 1:04pm. Huiting too.

Eileen was late too, by like 15 minutes -.-

The best is Evangeline la! OMG. She was still at her house cooking tangyuan when I already reached the MRT station. Feel like strangling her can?

She still laugh laugh laugh, funny ah! -box you-

Norman was super not happy cause he reached at 12:50pm. LOL :X

Yeah, after that went to meet Samantha and Peiying at Bugis MRT station!

Went to Food Junction to eat? Err. I didn't eat lor. Those hungry people ate. :]

So, since I was bored I began snapping pictures? MY DARLING SAMSUNG PHONE ~ HAHA.

Walked around and decided to take neoprints!

Norman ran away la, idiot sia.

Shopped around Bugis for abit.

I bought a pair of new heels!

Happy.Happy.Happy! Going to wear them tomorrow for the FLAT HAIR PEOPLE'S GATHERING. :P

Then we sat down at a coffee bean in Iluma and the FIVE of us shared a cup of Coffee Bean.

LOL, everyone took turns to SUCK coffee sia.

Epic epic. Evangeline suck so loud somemore. -.-

That's Eileen and Samantha :/

Went to the toilet to camwhore abit. :P

Eileen Huiting ME :D

5 of us :D

We are all in a xmas ball! :D

Went to have dinner in some weird zhu chao stall. HAHA, but nicenice leh.

And we gossiped so much about xxx

HAHAHA, toobad Eileen and Evan went off early! Only left the 5 of us.

But really, it was so fun talking to you people :D

Samantha headed off after dinner too :(

Left the 4 of us. HAHA, we went to park lane to play pool.

FUNNY MAN, I teamed up with Peiying while Huiting teamed up with Norman.

We played 2 games, Peiying and me won BOTH! Thanks to Norman :P

But I still missed like !@#$ :/

After that we went home!

It was such a fun day man.

HAHA was so shocked that Norman came, thought he wouldn't come cause he's the only guy around.

But yeah! Thank you everyone!

It was indeed a happy day, at least I could put down my emo-ness for a day!

Thank you thank you.

Somemore pictures,

And, lastly.

Thank you once again! :D

23rd December 2009 - Went to do rebonding early in the morning sia.

Feel so sleepy now.

And I have flat hair now omg!!!

So sad, have to wait a few weeks then it won't be so flat that it'll be nicer!!

Wooo, going out tomorrow with my wife and baby. (: (: (:

Sleepy man.

And and and I'm proud to say that, I slept at 12am last night!!

So damn early can! Normally I'll only feel tired at 4am.

YAY YAY YAY.

I'm feeling sleepy now, hope i can sleep at 10pm tonight -.-

Eh, i got flat hair :(

NO PICTURES FOR YOU TO SEE. HAHAHA TOO BAD HUITING.

Byebye all :D

i will stay strong, i will.

2009-12-22T01:47:00.001+08:00

The answer is finally out.
Yes, I've found the answers to it, maybe?

I'll put all the sad things to an end now, and move on once again.
It was so near, yet so far.
Not fated once again, but still, thankyou.

However, I shall not keep those memories this time round.
I'll bury and forget them.

Can I do it?
maybe not now, but i WILL.
It all needs time.
But it's so painful.

OH JESUS, give me the strength to continue and persevere on.

2009-12-21T23:01:00.003+08:00

Hello everybody!
I'm here to blog, lol.

Yesterday night was feeling emo as usual.
Then suddenly I had the urge to play pool. Like whatthehells man..
That time during work play too much until too sian already.
Then suddenly feel like playing. LOL.
And then my phone was off at that time, how to find people?
End up i CALLED up Sylvia at 1am.
This is like the first time I'm calling her?
And she thought I was some anonymous caller.
HAHA. And end up we decided to meet at 12 the next day.

I went early to collect back my Samsung phone!
I waited like 25minutes just to collect the phone mans..
The rest of the people who wanted to repair phone all got the priority.
They were served first even though they came later.
Then my face turn black, then the woman finally decided to serve me. HAHA.
And then Sylvia reached shortly.

Off to Safra we go!
By the way, she had lessons at 330pm so I'm supposed to send her off at 3, OOPS.

Here she is, with the kiddy school bag, a cue stick and balls.

Then we played for like 2 hours?
Gahh my aiming was super horrible..
Yeah why did I even wanted to play pool? LOL.

Us with the pool balls!

Proceeded to camwhore in the Safra toilet after that, as usual -.-

HAHAHA, zi-lian abit. -.-

Then we walked around the Safra for abit, saw this cute Santa and Snowman thing. -.-

Zzzz. Now as I look back at the photos.
Something just striked me. Snowman, lol. -.-

Went back to Jurong Point after that as we were thirsty.
Sat down at Kopitiam and settled for Ice Milo!
It's not diluted okay.
Then I saw LEE JIA DA. Ohmygod, like 2 days in a row man.
So the got-fate. LOL.

And soon, time striked 4pm -.-
Sylvia's uber late for school.
She wanted to PON.
And I force her to go school. HAHAHA.
I went popular to slack abit, then I went off as well.

Camwhored in Jurong Point toilet too! HEH.

P.S. Look at our funny shirts. LOL.

Lastly, I reached home at about 430.
My dad came home shortly after that lah ohmygod.
Lucky didn't let him see that I went out.
HuiTing the mushroom came up to my house to pass me my Christmas gift.
Eeee la, now I have to think of what to buy for you. -strangles you-
But anyway, Thankyouverymuch. (:

Hello kitty also don't know how to draw.! So out of shape siolzx.

Once again, thankyou. (:

Going out with Eileen, Evan, Samantha, Isyah and HuiTing tomorrow.
Hope everything turns out fine yeah?
Sigh, now still in abit of EMO mood.
But I know I shouldn't be feeling this way anymore.
I'll try my best, to stay happy.

Goodnights everyone. (:
P.S Yumin~ Grey jeans and high heels! HAHA.

2009-12-20T23:53:00.002+08:00

What is wrong with me?
I'm looking for that answer too.

Why am I feeling this way again?
I want to know why too.

What is it that I want?
I wished I knew.

I did it.
For the past few days, everything have been stucked within me.
I cried it all out today.
everything.

but, eventually
things remain the same as they were.
WHAT EXACTLY DO I WANT?
stop lying to myself.
stop. but what else can I do?

what is going on in my mind?
why am I feeling so vexed?
WHY.

Fuck it man.

2009-12-20T21:11:00.003+08:00

Hi everyone.
Ohmygod I can't believe I'm actually BLOGGING again after my blog closed down for like 999 years...

God knows how long I will be alive in blogging this time round. HAHA.

I think I'm seriously too bored during the holidays...
That's why I'm actually blogging! Ohmygod!

Some random stuffs.
1) I went out with my cousins today... We shopped at Jurong Point today for like 4 hours -.- . I bought another pair of jeans and a polo shirt. And both of them are GREY whatthehell. I think my mood is grey too :(

2) The stupid Samsung person just called me to say that I can collect my phone tomorrow. FINALLY MAN. You people kidnapped my phone so long already! YAY-ness. So I guess I'm heading to Jurong Point tomorrow again. But the sad thing is, I have to say goodbye to ALL the data inside my phone :( Shittzx.

3) I have no pictures to upload to my blog because everything is gone!!!!
Damn it. :( :( :(

4) Ohmygod I saw 99 today at kopitiam!!! With his girlfriend... Ohshit.
Why did I even see him :( And I can't believe that I stoned for 3 seconds when he walked past me. Stupidstupidstupid.
And I stared at him for 10 seconds before I left that place :(
ABCDEFG~ But heyhey, I'm over him already alrights. Just..... abit sian.

5) I want to upload pictures! But I have no pictures!!!! Ohmygod.
Life is so sad and boring... Tomorrow is Monday and I have Monday Blues cause I have nothing to do Ohmygodddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddd.

6) I think I've typed a million times Ohmygod in this blog post. Sorry man HAHAHA.
I shall.. go play with my blog's template.

Goodbye all. I hope I can go out soon with my repaired phone so I can snap photos again! woooohoooo.

This is such a random blog post. Okay bye all.

Wait I suddenly remembered AngPekChoo is going overseas.
OKAY BYE ANGPEKCHOO. Hope you bring a boyfriend back. Yeahyeah.

-EDIT-
Ohmygod Liping just called me to tell me that she saw 2/3 MLB AT PIONEER MALL.
zzzz. So near, yet so far. Can't go out at 10pm. :(

2009-12-06T01:51:00.001+08:00

Hi blog.

2009-10-23T18:47:00.002+08:00

October 23 2009.

The day i shall resume my blogging.
Don't ask me why, just feel like?
Haha, will probably stop blogging anytime cause, i'm always lazyyyyyy.

Tomorrow will be heading out with my secondary school friends.
So yeah. this post will just be short and sweet.
Hopefully there will be pictures tomorro.
Till then.

Time to let go.

2009-07-09T02:29:00.003+08:00

After so many fucking tries,
nothing has changed.

On the surface it may seem to be some good things happened.
But they are all superficial.

Crudely, FAKE.

I have had enough of all these nonsense, and I swear this would be the last time I'm ever holding on. Nah, this WAS the last time.

I'm just gonna let go and take whatever comes to me.

I've tried so hard, yet EVERYTHING IS STILL THE SAME.
Just like how the dead cant come back alive.
Just like how a cat can never become a dog.

I won't bother to try anymore.
Cause, I feel so tired and exhausted of all these.
They shouldn't turn out this way
But they STILL did.

What will happen will happen.
I knew it.
Sense the change in me from now.
It might be bad.
But it's the results of all the accumulative emotions.

I aren't hiding anything from anyone,
there's nothing to hide anyway.
cuz i'm just sick of everything.
goodbye, my blog.

2009-07-04T00:40:00.003+08:00

I no longer expect anything for life...
I'm just gonna live it as it is...

I just hope you'll recover soon.
Although it seems so much like a naive wish which can never be fulfilled.
You ran away twice from my life, just when i thought you were forever gone, you miraculously came back.
Now, will a miracle happen again?
I just want a chance to make it all back to you.
I don't want to have yet another regret.
I am the root for everything that has happened.
please punish me instead.

If only my tears could create miracles.
At the end of the day.
what i get are, swollen eyes.
and nothing.

This may be the final few hours.
And I swear, i'll cherish them.
even just by looking at you.

I've decided to keep everything to myself.
cuz i don't wanna bother people with these trivial matters
though they seemed like the world to me.
i'll swallow all the tears.

not as if alot of people are willing to listen anyway.

2009-06-28T23:59:00.003+08:00

12am :)

School's starting today.!
In 6 hours time i need to wake up.
Doubt i can do it.
But it's a must...

It's been an eventful month.
So many things happened and changed, once again...
Here i am doing reflections..

Gained many things, yet I've lost many.
That's life!
You gain, you lose...

A brand new term starts later.
I know I should face it with courage, and anticipation.
But somehow.. thinking of the tests that's coming up.. I feel. afraid.

I haven't been studying much since JC started.. cause i slacked for 2 months.
and the feeling to study is just permanently gone from me.

I flipped through my 'O' level cert just now.
It isn't very fantastic, but it's what i wished for.
What i wanted at the start of sec4.
I saw my seniors getting the results.
And i told myself i wanna get those good results too.
Hence i worked hard, not exceptionally hard, but at least i worked for it.
And i reaped what i sow.

In JC now, i no longer have that kind of drive.
maybe the 2 months totally made me numb.
and made me kind of 'dont care' everything..
If this carries on, i guess i'll be crying at the end of the year...
I don't want it to happen.
But is it too late to regret?
Cmon. it's really time to start studying....

i'm beginning to feel that the way you treat me is more than just a friend. -.-
hope i won't create any more troubles this time round...
uhh

九十九，我还是没忘了你。
但我会把你放进我心里，我不会再有任何幻想了。。。
傻傻的我，笨死了。
I know NOTHING about you.
Yet i can't forget you.
I think i need to see a psychiatrist.

Time to sleep. :)

1st july! :)
3 more days :O~

2009-06-28T03:53:00.000+08:00

Blog unlocked :)

4am.

...............
Last day before school starts.
God bless me.

2009-06-26T00:47:00.003+08:00

I love you.
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I love you.

100 i love yous :)

Only you are able to read this.
Cause your the only one invited to my locked blog.
You know who you are! :)

No matter what happens, I'll be there (:
Whether you want to cry, laugh, scream.
I'll be thereee.
Tissues are cheap kays :)

Get over him, and move on .
Don't say it's hard.
Try .
Time will heal wounds,
it will.
REALLY lah!!!!!

Comeon. :)
Stop tou qing hor.
If not i dont want you already.

Cheerup, i hate emo peoplezx. :P

2009-06-26T00:33:00.003+08:00

Locked my blog cuz i wanted to keep everything to myself.
Today was a hectic day. legs ache from all the walking, thanks to my high heels.

generally a happy day with Youkai and Huiting.
god know when's the next time i'm going out with youkai again.

Went to marina square to catch "Drag me to Hell"
Fugging scary . well...
Went to fusionopolis to get our stomachs filled for dinner..
Missed Uncle Benny. but he's still recuperating i guess.
Went back to Jurong Point
went starbucks to sit down and drink coffee..

Saw jianhui the gay with his friend. (:
tests are postponed...
gladly.

I should start studying..
god.

2009-06-22T00:00:00.002+08:00

I give up...
I give up on trying too hard.
To hold you back with me.
No matter how hard I tried, it still won't seem to work.
Yeah perhaps it worked for a few days.
After that, it's all gone.

你说她给你假的承诺，但你呢?
你有想到我的感受吗?
没有。
我难过，我伤心，但你在乎吗?
你只看到身边的她，而我仿佛就象她的代替品。
我累了，真的。
我尽力了，但在你眼中，都是零。

I no longer want that kind of life.
No.
Maybe your happier with them, him, or her.
From today onwards, I tell myself.
I'll not be bothered anymore...

Although I'm not a perfect friend who everyone wants,
I'm not a puppet.
我不要在任由你摆布了。
我放弃了。

Hopefully one day you will realise,
i WAS present.
A friend with feelings.
Cared for you.

Don't even feel sad, sf.
No.
It may be worth it in the past.
Perhaps no longer now.
Cause things have changed, you know it yourself.
Get on with life.
I will.

我会快乐地活下去。

2009-06-14T03:37:00.000+08:00

............

FLU GO AWAY LA..

Need to get some serious sleep...

2009-06-12T15:49:00.002+08:00

I've been waking up at 2+pm everyday.
Gosh, no life freak sia..
-.- im hooked on maple again -.-

Ohok, tomorrow there's a competition in NUS..
I don't know waht the hell it is.. but
Me, Siti, JianHui are in the same team..
and i have no idea of what to do..

AND HORRIBLE JIANHUI SAYS WE ARE SUPPOSE TO MEET AT 6AM
CUZ WE NEED TO WALK AROUND NUS -.-
The competition is starting at 9am :(

There goes my sleep.
I sleep at 4am everyday.. if im supposed to meet them at 6am.. i might as well dont sleep
if not i cant wake up de.
Gosh :(:(:(:(:(

I wanna meet all of you!!!!

*EDIT*
WDF. IM SICK AGAIN @$@#%$#%$#$
Stay away from me cuz i have SWINE FLU

2009-06-08T16:08:00.000+08:00

I am going to .
get on with life .
well ....

not as in i had some kind of trauma or something uh.
just straightened out my thoughts...

let's say hello to..
congrui!

HI, i know you might not be reading but.........
yay, your in my life again. :)
though i don't know what might happen in the future..
i'm not gonna regret any decisions i have made from today onwards.

huiting you should stop emoing cause emoing is contagious...
and i'm easily affected by people emoing (:

jieyen. no matter what decisions you have made, i'll support you.
perhaps there were too many misunderstandings between us previously.
glad we clarified all of them (:

Meeting sylvia tmr for an exercise session............
wdf. i think i'm gna die before her... -.-

and maypohhhh. i haven't seen her in like 999 years.
uhhhh. :(

i shall meet up with congrui some day too.
shes a chiobu.

im so bloody random.
gah bye im off to sleep..
i mean no la!
i go do homework! neh neh. LOL

I feel like playing maple.

2009-06-02T01:10:00.003+08:00

Sometimes i wished i wasn't born into this world, then i wont have to face all the sadness.

BUT that would also mean i'll miss out all the happiness.

Sometimes i wished i could be like anyone else, happy 24/7

BUT that would mean i'll miss out all the challenges that would strengthen me in life.

Sometimes i really envy those people, who have great friends who go to great lengths just to make their friends happy. surprises, though it may be small. it definitely means alot.

Sometimes i wished someone would be there for me regardless of whether i'm sad, happy, excited, nervous, angry. where are you?

Sometimes. I just need simple love and concern.

Am i that worthless?

I want to be a better person

Was supposed to go kbox with liping and huiting on sunday.
but my dad had his usual pms...
and i feel so grounded by him.
cant go home late alr...

Wednesday : Pekchoo.
Thursday: Huiting and Youkai.

That can keep me occupied for this week.
but next week onwards?
guess i'll have to emo at home everyday.

2009-05-31T14:06:00.002+08:00

I JUST WANT A FUGGING SIMPLE LIFE.
Is it that hard?
Why must you make things difficult for me EVERYTIME?

What the hell is wrong with you?!
A happy weekend, just got totally destroyed by you.
Congrats. !

I wanna go out later, cause i don't wanna disappoint mushroom and apple.

2009-05-27T19:51:00.001+08:00

2more days to end of term 2.

1month holidays.

......

wish.
will it ever come true?

2009-05-24T17:27:00.004+08:00

To you,

Though I've never said those mushy words that your someone important in my life, you are. You know I don't like to say all these everytime. But I reckon it's time.

Yes, you've lost a friend. I know how it feels.
But, you yourself know that no matter how sad you are nothing's gonna change the fact.
I know that I'm in no position to ask you to get over it and get on with life.
Cuz sometimes I can't get on with life properly either.

You may not realise it,
but i'm really wanting to try to help you move on.
But I don't think I can.
Cuz I really don't know what you want, and how you want me to help you.
Cuz you don't say it out.
You would rather talk to other people about it,
cry to them about it, than me.

Sometimes, i wonder too. If i'm sucha failed friend.
That you would rather talk to them whom you know for only a few months.
Than me, whom you know for 5 years.

I don't wanna look back, cuz it's pointless.
No matter what.
Even if you have lost her,
you still have me.

I know I may fail sometimes.
But I would try.
But would you?
Would you even try?

Maybe i've failed.

-edit-

Tiring Saturday i had.
one long whole day.
6am - 11pm.
shag is all i can say.
Just to see his smile. Sam, jiayou.

-edit AGAIN-

My freaking high heel broke -.- thanks.

Sam.

2009-05-21T19:33:00.001+08:00

Exhausted.

Failed physics.
Serve me right for not studying.
But I really don't see the point in studying.
Cuz life is as pointless as it is.

Illusions and hallucinations.

2009-05-17T02:42:00.001+08:00

望著你突然一阵心痛
一次又一次任那感情放纵
你的脆弱让我走不开
你的依赖所以我存在
想著你还是想到心痛
期待我做的将来你都会懂
有一天真如我
有一天
但愿我还在你记忆中

Direction in life, just hope you appear soon.
3:45am.

2009-05-16T00:48:00.002+08:00

Enlightment.
Or perhaps, is the total lost of hope.
I shan't cling on to things which are too far away for me to reach...
Yes. I shall bury myself with school work.
Until one day I cannot stand it.
Then huhu, who knows what's gonna happen.

It's happiness for me just being able to see him. yes, seeing him happy makes me even more happy, somehow. though we are forever so far apart. love is not about possession, yes, its about happiness. thus. no matter how sad i am, i'll still stay happy. cause i'm able to see you. your smile. don't destroy the last hope of my life..

2009-05-11T17:02:00.002+08:00

Omg.
Help.
I seriously need some help here -.-

I'm so poisoned laaaaaaaaaaaa.
The moment i wake up, i think of him.
For the whole day, i cannot concentrate cause i'm thinking of him.

And the problem is, I DON'T EVEN KNOW HIM OMGZXZxzxzx.
Then what's the point la. ya luhhhhhhhhh. -.-

Dammit, why am i trapped in a vicious cycle of love-related stuffs again????!!!!
I EVEN DREAMED OF HIM.
fish laaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa.
die liao -.-;

i think i'll go suicide when i realise that he has a gf. :(
zz.z.z.z.

2009-05-08T20:02:00.002+08:00

Meaning in life..
I'm searching for you...
Let me find it, before everything is too late.
I don't know how long can i hold on.
I witnessed a suicide attempt by an indian guy yesterday night.
He was trying to jump off a building, but was too draggy. dumb ass.
Maybe that's a signal.
That maybe i should be in that faraway place,
with no tears. yes, no sadness. no betrayal. no lies...
the world isn't fair, of course i understand.
that doesn't mean i'll accept the fact.

i'm waiting.
for my time to be up.

you.

2009-05-02T23:04:00.002+08:00

Lol. Screwed up life. Thanks..
zhi yao chong man xing xin, mei ren neng jiang ni, zu dang

zzzzzzzzzz

2009-04-10T01:16:00.003+08:00

Nice song...
I don't really go ga-ga over Fahrenheit acutally..
But. This song really captured me.
Jiro =)

Sorry... I'm just mumbling to myself.
I shall unlock my blog.. Since no one reads it anyway...
And it's such a rare occasion I update. Lol.

I've been ignorant and trying to avoid problems that were arising nowadays...
Time to solve it.
I've been avoiding the problems for about 1 month..
Where to start picking up the mess? I don't know.
Here, here or there?
Chinese saying, chuan dao qiao tou zi ran zhi.
Will my boat ever become straight?...
Give me some clue on how to solve this...

Affinity is such a strange thing... comes and goes... Is this affinity? Or is it just hallucination once again? don't wish to think about it.. but your appearance in my life cannot be ignored. however, what's the point of appearing in my life when we don't even have any chance of progressing? none. up to now. talk? i don't know how to start it...

2009-04-05T17:32:00.002+08:00

Fuck.

I really enjoyed myself yesterday.
Screamings...
Really loved it. Relieved all my stresses.
But only for that moment...
Cause after that, everything's gone back to reality.

Sometimes I wished I won't wake up from my sleep.
So that i can die peacefully, and painlessly.
Now i do...

I can't find any aim in life.
All of you are leaving me...
one by one.

School's making me all stressed up..
Stop being so cruel.

2009-03-18T15:47:00.002+08:00

Ahhhhh.
Yesterday was the class bbq.
It's totally fucked up.
The bbq suppose to start at 5pm, they drag till 7...
I reached at 10am at bukit panjang -.-
Cause they said they wanna get things for the bbq.
In the end i rotted there the fucking whole day !
Nb, should have went home and do my mountains of homework can...
zzzzzzzzz
The class guys are jerks -.= Lmao
My class sucks.
To that particular biaaaatch.

What i can say to you is.
Your fucking selfish -.-
Everyone PAID for the BBQ. I know you paid slightly more.
But that does not mean all of us have to tolerate your attitude problem.
Although you never attitude me, but it's very obvious that you attitude some people k.
They nvr owe you anything , neither are they your maids.
From the way you treat your maid we all can know you are not someone decent -.- LMao
Whatever
I dont wanna bitch abt her
hahaha
pollute my blog

i shall go emo.........

2009-03-15T02:11:00.003+08:00

It's 2:11am now.
Yet I'm still wide awake...
Perhaps it's because of the afternoon nap I took.
Or is it because of the mental struggles I'm going through?
I don't know why.
I feel very empty...
My life everyday repeats itself as though it's a routine...
School, homework, eat, sleep.
Yes it's normal for a student.
But why have I became like this?
I told myself not to think too much from the beginning of this year, promising myself and everyone that there would be a brand new start.
But why am i contradicting myself right now?
Yes, I have accepted all the changes around me. They are inevitable.
You know, I know, everyone knows.

Haven't I forgot everything that were sad?
Yes, perhaps I did.
But I forgot things that were happy too.
Those memories were short-lived.
And I just can't seem to recall them..
because all the sadness is overwhelming.
Too much for me to take.
I swear I'm gonna break down one day.
No one knows when...

Whenever I told myself I actually don't bother about those things..
In actual fact. They mean alot to me.
Yes, they do...
I regret some of the decisions made in that most important part of my life.
And I can't change them.
But that emptiness feeling is really suffocating me.
I need a shoulder to rely on...
A hand to pull me in times of need...
A person whom I can cry to...
And a person who can give me happiness and security.

Yes, all these are too much to ask for.
Why does everyone else have that special person but I don't?
Or is it I don't realise it?
I don't know...
Cause all the sadness have covered and blocked my senses.

Where are you?

Just take it all away, cause I can never have yesterday...

2009-02-15T15:46:00.005+08:00

came back from the torturous jjc camp.
i swear it wasn't fun, not at all.
one word to describe,tired
of everything.

I just can't believe you're gone
Still waiting for morning to come
Wanna see if the sun will rise
Even without you by my side

When we had so much in store
Tell me what is it i'm reaching for
When we're through building memories
I'll hold yesterday in my heart, in my heart

They can take tomorrow and the plans we made
They can take the music that we'll never play
All the broken dreams
Take everything
Just take it away, but they can never have yesterday
They can take the future that we'll never know (no no)
They can take the places that we said we would go
All the broken dreams
Take everything
Just take it away, but they can never have yesterday

You always used to stay
I should be thankful for everyday
Heaven knows what the future holds
Or atleast how the story goes

I know i'll see you again i'm sure
No, it's not selfish to ask for more
One more night, one more day
One more smile on you face
But they can't take yesterday

They can take tomorrow and the plans we made
They can take the music that we'll never play
All the broken dreams
Take everything
Just take it away, but they can never have yesterday
They can take the future that we'll never know
They can take the places that we said we would go
All the broken dreams
Take everything
Just take it away, but they can never have yesterday

I thought our days would last forever (but it wasn't our destiny)
'Cause in my mind, we had so much time
But i was so wrong
Now i can, believe that
I can still find the strength in the moments we made
I'm looking back on yesterday

They can take tomorrow and the plans we made
They can take the music that we'll never play
All the broken dreams
Take everything
Just take it away, but they can never have yesterday
They can take the future that we'll never know
They can take the places that we said we would go
All the broken dreams
Take everything
Just take it away, but they can never have yesterday

All the broken dreams take everything
But they can never have yesterday

2009-02-08T19:30:00.002+08:00

Changes are inevitable.
Lol, sound like a common phrase nowadays huh?
I understand that. Cause i've been through many many changes in the past 3 months.

Family, work, friendships and love.
All of the above changed.

Including school too.
Major changes. Some nice, but most of them, dreadful

Perhaps what i thought was too naive.
Well, i am naive.

It's better to be naive than to face the cruel reality ahead of us, isn't it?

Some changes are NOT inevitable.
But humans just purposely do things to change it, then regret.

Fan jian, isn't it?

However, one thing does not need to change at all.
Friendship.
Why must it change just because we are no longer in the same school?
Is it SO vulnerable?
Finally, i should really accept reality.
Cause, what i have believed, are all illusions.

Self-deceiving to make my days pass by easier.
However the time has come, to wake up.
And accept things.
No matter how much i abhor the change, I have to accept it.
Cause humans made the choice.
Every single one of us has fault

Ohwell.

2009-01-31T18:16:00.002+08:00

Bye popular.
Last 2 days of work .. both ended up in tears.

Tears of sadness and joy.
Sadness; because i had to leave after 2.5months of mental and physical torture (sounds like joy more than sadness though ) but i really she bu de the people!

joy; knowing that after all there ARE people who can't bear to part with me! HAHA.
But fuck. your words made me cry like hell ya know?

Yes. very dramatic.
I was the only one crying despite the fact that 3 part timers were leaving..
Perhaps all of them were strong?
Or no, perhaps i was too weak.

Sorry to the people that i ran away after your touching words.
Cause if i stand there and wait for you to talk finish i think i don't have to go home already. Cause I'll cry till i die :(

But there are seriously people who makes me feel happy to leave -.- perhaps i should thank them.
But i did something which i dont think i dared to do.
I scolded the bitch :O

Lol. shes a fucking HOD. but she flame me too much. Since my last day came.. i scolded her and ah lun.
damn loud despite i had cough and my voice was ehem.
HAHA. DAMN SHUANG CANS.
But i scold till i almost want to cry.

And of cos WG.
What i can say to you is.
I HATE YOU.
Fuck you for making me tear so much.
I'm sucha fool for crying so much for you
Thinking that i've hurt you deep.
But actually your faking everything to position yourself in a extremely PATHETIC situation.
So that you can prey on cecilia.
HA, gotcha right -.-

Fuck you for telling me how much you loved me and how much you hate to give me up.
You said that you won't give up on me. you will hold on.
ALL BULL SHIT Rubbish.
Please dont say things you dont mean it.
You pretended to be hurt.
but actually i think i'm the victim here.
to think that your hurt
and blame myself for so many fucking weeks
but yet your happily PREYING ON 2 GIRLS IN FRONT OF ME.
Wtf do you want.
you asked me to stay away from ah lun in the beginning.
but i think your far worse off than him.
at least he flirts OPENLY although he denies the fact that he doesn't
but he's better than you!
YOU ACT AS IF YOUR A VERY SENTIMENTAL PERSON
but actually your a wolf in sheep's skin!
fuck youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
I should have knew you were NOT the one for me.
Cause even before we started everything you already made me cry
so many fucking times!!!!
Why am i so foolish
to think that your way better than ah lun
and your a very nice guy
ZZZZZZZZZZ.
And now.
why am i even feeling angry when i see you with cecilia?
BULLSHIT MYSELF.
I'm just a plain eye sore too -.-
Since i hate you so much why i bother who the hell you go out with right!!!!

anyway. let's hope you and cecilia will be happy?
last long lor. or issit you prefer the hot laptop promoter???!
aiyo.. ur problem la! Your a bastard man -.-
you purposely use these 2 ladies to gek me
in front of me somemore
you wont feel guilty one meh?????
tell me so many gross disgusting mushy things then do all these?
walao -.-

At least gx didn't make me cry.
Not even once at all
but he did made me feel vexed la
BUT YOU LEH
MAKE ME CRY SO MANY TIMES. DAMN YOU.
Is you , who make me feel scared of relationships.
THANKS FOR APPEARING AND RUINING MY LIFE WG
CONGRATS. A round of applause for you!!! =.=

Sorry gx. sorrrry. maybe your another wg, right?
idk la.
fuck
i hate r/s~~

JIAYOU HUITING
YOUR QI ZHENG LOVES YOU.
JUST ADMIT IT
IT'S SO FUCKING OBVIOUS
Please stop finding excuses to deny the fact
Cause its bloody irritating to see you do so
ITS SO TRUE TO BE FAKE OK-.-
anyway. good luck
hope you and him end up well
at least better than me and wg

Sorry for the vulgarities in this post
cause i'm really very agitated .

But
im still very sad.
Thanks for all the happy memories given by some of you =)
I will put them in my heart.
and i'll prove to you all that i wont forget all of you
watch me loiter in popular every now and then =)))

2009-01-28T13:56:00.005+08:00

Argh...
Last day of work .
It's either the 30th or the 31st.
I knew it..
But.. when i received the news this morning.
Thousands of emotions filled my heart.
It should have been happiness.
As you can see i complained so much about work.

However.
I could only feel sadness in my heart.
Indeed, work was horrible.
With horrible customers and horrible colleagues.
Then why am i even feeling miserable now?
Sometimes i doubt myself.
What do i really feel?
Why am i so contradictory?

...
Afterall.
I still developed feelings for POPULAR.
The place which i abhor so much
Why?!
I should be ecstatic now!
BUT I CAN'T LAH. zzz
Stupid mathafuggers. ._.

I swear i hated work.
But i really missed those happy moments with some of my colleagues.

Ahfu.
ZhenYu.
Junyi.
Simon.
Janice.
Xiaoting.
Liangmei.
liwei.
brenda.
ahma.
shifu.
gary.
yingxing.
guoxiang.

Goodbye all.

Oh fuck
I'm gonna stay at home and emo today.
I pon-ed work.
Why the fuck am i doing this since i love work so much
=.=
IM SERIOUSLY CONTRADICTING MYSELF LAH.
Crap

2009-01-28T00:38:00.000+08:00

Hello people!
Still alive and kicking yeah?!
I've been missing in action for quite a long time eh? :D

I have finally set my new year resolution!
That is to slim down.
Yes, i know i always say that and i end up err...
Growing fatter?
Ya ya ya!
Please stop your sarcastic remarks lah!
I'll try my best this time round.
Cause.. I realised..
After starting work in popular..
I've gained way too much fats for me to accept!
Although a rounder face looks cuter on me! *coughs*

FAT IS STILL FAT LAH.
Why find excuses for myself. T.T

My goddddddddddddd.
Help me out, peeps.
If you ever see me indulging in food
Smack my head or something.

Stop me from eating already!!!!
I WANNA SLIM DOWN
!@#$%^&&*&*~

2009-01-09T22:26:00.001+08:00

Goodbye emo world.

Hi happy world.

Let us all stop emo-ing and get on with life, it's 2009 baby!

Thanks to all of youuuuuuuu.

Huiting, jieyen, maypoh.
and all my work colleagues.
and all my friends who cared.

thanks thanks thanks i love all of you
and i promise i'll never let go of all of you again~

(:

2008-12-31T14:30:00.002+08:00

31st december 2008.
Last day of 2008.
Supposed to be a happy day, with lots of people counting down to a brand new year.
yet i'm fucking stucked at home with tons of problems to solve.
Unfortunate? perhaps.
i force myself to smile at work. i tried. yet i couldn't
i told myself i must rest and stop thinking of unhappy stuffs.
but i can't either.

when i needed them most, who was there for me?
none. seriously none.
right now, who is with me?
myself, and my tears.

Friends. now i'm doubting the definition of friends.
do i have any?
yeah maybe from the start it was a great misconception of mine
to think have i have very good friends whom i can turn to when i on the verge of breaking down like now.
however, to think of it now. it was fucking silly of me.

who can see , or even hear my tears now?
who is there for me?
now i'm emoing is not solely because of things last time.
it's because i realise my friends are gone.

one by one.
where are they?

goodbye sad world.

2008-12-29T18:11:00.002+08:00

It's over.
All over .

Sorted things out .
Finally .

I know that i might regret this decision later in my life.
But since this is a decision i made by myself, i told myself i shall not regret.

Nevertheless, i know things can no longer change once it reaches this stage.
Friends? I seriously doubt we'll still be friends.
I'm so sorry i have hurt you.
By avoiding you for the whole day at work, do you think i'm happy?
Somehow when i try to avoid you, customers just have to make us talk again.
Why?

Right, this is a stage where i must face in my life.
anyway, thanks for all those happy memories you have given me.
Those days were great, while we were great friends.
Your care and concern really makes me feel loved, for the very first time perhaps?
however i know i can't cross the border i have set in my heart.
hence, the only thing i can say to you is. sorry, really sorry.
really wished time could stop just before all these would happen.
perhaps i should'nt even have appeared in popular, then i would save been able to save all the agony that everyone is facing now.

like i've said, this is a decision made by me, and i will bear all the consequences.
and right now i am.
ignoring you and her.
hopefully you and her would have some things work out. then maybe i'll feel less guilty, at least.
please be happy.
whether alone, or with her.
i'm the worst person on earth.

really wished we were still friends.
but. i know it's hard. and awkward.
1 more month before i leave popular perhaps...
31days. can we pass through without any more conflicts?
you act as though nothing has happened.
can you really do that? ....
i seriously doubt i can..

just too many things have happened.
the things you have given me, are just too much.
too much for me to take.
and too much for me to repay back to you.

.....
I slept till 430 today.
because i was too tired.
not really physically.
i guess mentally.

God, give me the strength and power to endure the rest of the days without you -.-
yes, you might be asking me.
since i like him, why don't i accept him?
well.
love is too much for me to take..
especially when i cannot love him as much as he can.
I feel stressed when i'm with him.

but last time when we were friends, i was really happy.
that was perhaps the max.

anyway.. sorry for the emo post...

And.. another thing.. another person.
I don't know why you have to lie .. seriously..
by lying you only make me more sad.
I rather you told me the truth.
yes the truth hurts, but not as much as it is when i FOUND it out by myself.
right. blessings to you two..

.......
more challenges await me in the future.
stay strong. i tell myself.

Can i face all these by myself?
My friends. are they always there for me?
or am i only dreaming.. fantasizing... i dont knowww!

2008-12-25T17:50:00.003+08:00

Hoho.
Here i am again.
Posting random pics found! (:

Mostly from yesterday i guess.
Heh.
Floods*

Event 1 - Outing with yumin, sylvia and lorita!
Event 2 - Countdown with jieyen, huiting, maypoh, jy's sis and jy's neighbour. but pics are limited for that event cause its all with jieyen!

2008-12-25T16:45:00.002+08:00

MotherFuckers.
Stupid police + aunties.
Wtf!
Got problems with us come down talk lah.
Scared we use the glass bottles to smash your heads issit?
Nbcb -.-

You can refer to Jieyen's blog on what happened.
I shan't elaborate if not i might just get too agitated and spoil my keyboard.

Anyway. Just realised something yesterday.
Something i couldn't believe?
Never thought that you could lie to me so much.
All those things that you told me. All lies?
Ha, perhaps I was too silly.
Thinking that i WAS your good friend.
In the end, what you told me was all LIES.
Hmm, hurt? No, more like disappointment.
That's life yo, but. I just want to know.
Why? Is it worth it?
Just because of relationships, people can sacrifice friendships.
Uhh, sorry i won't do that.
More like i sacrifice relationships for friendships.
Cause i know i'll be hurt in the end in a relationship.
But why do you have to do the other way?
Sigh.
Lies, lies, all lies.
I hate being deceived.

---------------------------------------------------------------------

anyway my hamster is fine. :)
hopefully. the blood doesn't come from her. :D
Oh well. today's my 3rd off day... Rotting at home with no $.
Fuck. I wanna work.
I need my money la.
But seriously, 4 days off so shiok :P
Thanks to me pon-ing one day. Wahahahaha! oops ;D

----------------------------------------------------------------------

Anyway, going out tml. hope everything turns out fine.
if not i might er, run home barefooted.
kidding =)

2008-12-23T18:19:00.002+08:00

22nd december.
Hey shwufang, aren't you supposed to be at work? why are you here?
Cause i pon-ed work.
Not that i want to.. but .

-starts grandma story-

My hamster went missing yesterday night la.
that stupid, no i mean clever hamster went to bite a hole in some plastic thingy on her cage and she ran away..
I only realised that she was missing at 12am..
She probably escaped in the morning leh!
I searched throughout the whole house for her you know?
I cried like fuck, i swear.
Until my eyes swollen like goldfish this morning. how to go work you tell me?
got headache somemore. so i skipped work...
and.. i have 3 consecutive off days starting from tomorrow. adding today = 4!
LOL. god..
I think my boss hates me?
ohwell. didn't want to pon work today. can't help it..

oh yah.. i found my hamster in my sis room.
but before that, she told me she stepped on something furry and she cannot find it..
then i totally broke down.
cause my hamster went missing + she stepped on something.
normal people would think my hamster got stepped right?!
i really cry like nobody's business la.
and you know what?
THERE WAS BLOOD ON THE FLOOR LA.
wadthefuck~
what do you think i could do? it was 1am in the morning.
and my hamster got stepped
and there was blood?
almost fainted.
cry and cry until 2am.
my sis came out of her room
i close my eyes dont dare see.

In the end, what she brought out was an alive hamster -.-
Phewwwwwwwwww ness?!
then where did the blood come from.
dont ask me la! lol
i want to know also.... -.-

i scared she really kena step on leh.
zzz.
these few days are critical
if she doesnt survive
i dont think i can also

-.- ...

anyway.. 4 days off.
Date me, come on.

sorry to youuuu. i know i shouldn't be treating you this way. i don't want to either. but i just dont have the courage to tell you that. i've been suppressing my feelings. maybe someday i'll go insane. for you.

but when i tried ignoring you. i feel (...) too.
gosh
what do i want?

god knows la

2008-12-21T11:45:00.002+08:00

Firstly...

JIEYEN STOP EMOING YOU DUMB ASS.

HUITING STOP EMOING TOO.

And not to forget...

SHWUFANG DONT EMO AS WELL.

LOL. Obviously i'm not emoing, if not i wont be here posting.
Anyways, yesterday was the WORST day of work.

Er so far, i've been working for a month +
Yesterday was the worst day i swear ;x

Bad mood + 6x10 ^ 23 customers......
._.

Sales for textbooks amounted to 15k. Hey, now where's my commission?
In my dreams perhaps.

Xmas is round the corner, i have 3 days off next week ;D
the envy of my colleagues. wahahahaha.

cmon people, date me out on 24,25,26 ;D

Anyways, i suddenly miss jieyen huiting and maypoh! maybe they didnt visit me for quite a long time.

sylvia! see you soon :D

congrui, yes yes. i would go out with you. but you dont share your secrets with me.
hence i'm sad. hahaha

Right, read huiting's blog.
it's alright to feel sad.
but, YES man, life still goes on.

Hence i've learnt to take things well..
hopefully.
i have enough courage to solve the problems i face right now.
and also, to face the challenges.

jiayou.

2008-12-13T18:04:00.003+08:00

Off day!
Rocks.
I didn't go out today.
Cause i'm so so so so exhausted.

The JP2 is freaking big. I took one hour to walk and i can't even finish walking half of it. LOL.

Anyway... due to unforseen changes.. i have to work 5 days straight from tomorrow onwards.. sigh.
3 days is already torturous. zzzz

And.. i might be quitting my job soon. probably after christmas.
Many many reasons.
So i shall just leave that place.

unless i find a reason for me to stay there.

P.S Huiting is a mushroom.
JIEYEN ish chio. wahahahah

randommmmmmmm~

2008-12-10T14:14:00.002+08:00

Wow.
Have been MIA for so many days.
Have been busy with work... totally.

Work is really exhausting, physically.
and mentally.

Physically ; carrying stacks of books.. arranging them.. tough ya. hands filled with cuts. but who can i blame? myself.

Mentally ; i'm really exhausted.. from the politics in work.. and somehow i'm just kinda involved in many unwanted things.
since no one at work reads my blog
i might as well just name them -.-

YL is giving me headaches. He keeps saying i ignores him.. when i didnt. but he pressurizes me so much until i really feel like ignoring him.
then he starts giving me attitude ._.
when i talk to him he starts his rubbish talking again. zzzz

JD. i don't know what he's thinking sometimes.. he speaks rubbish to me.
and his mindset changes every now and then?
first he cares, then he doesn't.
what does he want la -.-

KW. zzzzz another JD. sometimes he cares, sometimes he doesn't?
why are you all so fickle minded la!
i'm seriously confused. what do you all want?
you go to great lengths just to get the big head doll.
then your treating me in this manner now?
eh i dont understand...

WK. you have been MIA for so long. 5.5 days. seems like 5.5 years for me currently, because all the other people are weird! i suppose your the only one normal.

Cecilia. zzzz. i don't know what you want. i knew you would treat me in this manner in a matter of time. i understand, cause SHE's your good friend from SECONDARY SCH. but who am i ? oh well. don't have to show me the attitude of yours.. i understand. and i'll leave you TWO alone okay? happy? stop acting like you didn't want to treat me like that. humans. are all realistic, right?

.......
who can i turn to now?
my soft toy.

at least it doesn't treats me good now and suddenly change tomorrow.
unlike all of you guys!
walao machiam i owe you all like that.
i'm already very very tired...
i don't think i can take it anymore.
since you all force me.
then don't blame me for ignoring all of you.

till then.

i shall just concentrate on work --> go home --> sleep.
nothing else.
Friends, Relationships at popular = all fake.
so just step out of it.
girl.

It's time to face reality.

2008-11-26T14:25:00.002+08:00

Many days passed without me blogging.
Many things happened, too much for me to blog.
And i'm lazy to type all too.
If not i swear the post would be 10,000 words long.

First, I would like to apologize to HuiTing,JieYen and MayPoh.
I swear I didn't mean to pangseh you guys.
But please kinda understand me for abit.
I worked 4 days straight without rest.
I reached home everyday around 11+.
I sleep at 1 everyday and need to wake up early the next day and work for the whole day. Hence i really got a terrible headache this morning when i woke up at 8.
Hence I don't think i can even make it to Sentosa.

So sorry. I wanted to go too, I wanted to relax and get my mind off work.
But i just couldn't.

Anyway. I'm not gonna get involved in any love relationships etc.
Cause it's too much a committment for me.
I don't think i can handle it.
So yeah, I won't think too much.
except for working, and my friends.

Again, sorry.

2008-11-19T13:28:00.002+08:00

Howdy all.
Today's my off day.
hence here i am, blogging again!

Was really horribly emo on monday due to multiple reasons..
Lol, on that day, i seriously felt that life was meaningless.

Friends dying on me.
Work killing me.
colleagues giving me tons of trouble.
I swear i tried to ignore all the problems.
But it isn't easy to do so.
I can't fall sleep either.
Hence i drank vodka secretly while everyone is asleep.
Lol, was dead drunk. almost puked, but didn't.

alcohol really helps. sometimes.. when you really feel down..
tuesday was way better.
some other colleagues were there for me despite many of those irritating ones..
thanks people! really.

then jieyen, maypoh and huiting came and stalked me in popular -.-''
buddy, i working leh. lucky simon wasn't there..
lucky my manager didn't come out also. or else i sure die lor.
thanks ah -.-

they kept forcing me to go for the grad night.
they followed me everywhere...
jieyen even called me after work and pestered me to go ..
together with matthew cheng zzzzzzzzzzzzz
for 1h+++
at last I gave in.
awwwww. wadthefuck.

i didn't even prepare anything.
i didnt shop for clothes, shoes, bags.
NOTHING. i was busy working and i told myself i wont be going last week.
....... -.-

sigh.. jieyen persuaded me so long.
so i give her face niaaaaaaaaaaa. :x
so i'll just wear some old clothes and shoes and tada.
i'm going for the sake of them.
not anything else. however i suppose there'll be dozens of handsome people and chiobu's who spent hundred of dollars buying clothes and shoes for the grad night?
haha, waste of money.
but afterall, it's their problem that they are rich.
i'm not.

so don't laugh at my clothes. thanks =D
jieyen just left my house after passing me stuffs.
it's raining now.. hmm.. perhaps i'll go take a nap.
ciaos all.

perhaps they are all hallucinations. are we suitable for each other? idk. but i'm willing to take a risk. for myself, and you :)

2008-11-16T21:22:00.002+08:00

Howdy all of you!
I'm back from MIA-ing.
worked 3 days straight. I swear that sucks. TOTALLY.
Today's my off day. Let's recap the past 4 days!

13th, 14th, 15th nov.
Work!
13th : Reached jp at 940am. was lucky i guess. met a staff there and followed her around even before i reached popular shop. haha and it happened that she's in the same department as me! ^_^ . her name's xiao ting.
After that i had to self intro myself in front of 30 people. That's zzz. whatever.
then we started work at 10..
i was obviously blur thanks.. anyway i saw my primary sch friends.
ROGER LEU! I forgotted about him.. but he told me he remembered me.. LOL . So touched sia.
And a person called LEE JIA DA also said that he's from pioneer primary.
I thought he was 20+ aged.. didn't asked much. He told me he's 16 leh.
what the hell obviously i didn't believe.
but he showed me his IC LOL. Really 16 sia. and i didn't even know he was in the same school as me.
That's so cool. 2 people from my department came from the same primary school, and same year! But they suck. both bullies. can't be bothered to talk to them too much.
Anyway i'm working in textbook department.

Knew cecilia from cashier department. A nice 17 yr old ;D
she's working part time too. we had lunch and dinner together. lol ;D

But the day was horrible.. i didn't know where all the books were located.. had to ask roger every time. and he keep suanning me for being slow.. hello i first day what you expect la. consider my feelings ma!
then suddenly alot of people came.. -.-'
Collecting textbooks was not a problem.. the big problem is they want the book covers.. so we had to measure all the books and find the right size book covers for them.. And the textbook area was so bloody small.. we had to squeese around.. and with so many people waiting we panicked la.
was damn dulan. thanks to Jia Da for guiding me :)

my hands are covered with scratches everywhere. everywhere i swear la.
all those new books are horrible. >.<

Anyway janice and simon was also in the same department as me.
Both of a more mature age. simon was dead serious.. so i didn't dare to joke with him around..

zeng yu is another part timer. who is super asshole too..
sigh.

.... i'm supposed to work from 10am to 10pm. minus 2 hrs lunch dinner.
........ the worst thing is i have to sweep the floor before i leave.
finally. i knocked off at 1040pm. NO OVERTIME PAY. fuck what the hell.
I stayed 40 mins extra for nothing.

2nd day also lidat.
3rd day also lidat.
Reached home at 11+ ..
But pay stops at 10pm.
Mathafugger. -.-

2nd day : woke up. legs almost crippled due to the 99999999999999999999 times that i squatted and stood up -.- ........
work work work
hands scratched scratched scratched.

3rd day : work again. cecilia wasn't here. didnt had dinner.. ate chocolates while simon was not looking or else i'll faint from hunger LOL.

Seriously. I don't mind working laaaaaa.
but my overtime no pay leh.
everyday do 45mins extra.
........ accumulate = alot of $$$$$$$ zzz sua.
i asked for it anyway.
Carrying stacks of textbooks isn't easy
Packing books for customers isn't easy either.
they are demanding i swear.
this not happy there not happy
i accept.
sweeping the floor...
i really hope i don't quit after 1 week
but it's really tough.
much tougher than i expected when many many people just come and pass us the booklist and then disappear.

sigh.sigh.sigh.

To someone.

somehow i dont know what to say to you. maybe our 4yrs of friendship isn't as strong afterall. you don't even trust me. you dont trust me that i won't abandon you because of xxx . all things are between you two . but yet i have to bear all the consqeuences. oh? so you would rather sacrifice our friendship for sucha stupid reason? i dont understand. you make me so bloody disappointed. totally. why? i guess you should know why when i talked to you in audi that time.

things arent the way you THOUGHT. you think everything you think is correct.
But your utterly wrong.

i just realised i don't understand you at all.
Neither do you.

If you did understand me, we won't be even cold war-ing because of sucha stupid reason.

Disappointment is all i have to say.
perhaps you need time to think.

but let me tell you.
i did nothing wrong to TRY to patch you two up.
Since you dont appreciate it then fine, ignore it
DONT have to attitude me and blame me for doing that.
i was just trying to help you two.
but yet my efforts arent being appreciated. instead they are being insulted totally
right.
I am waiting. for your explanation.
apology perhaps? but i don't think you would either.
cause maybe you think what you said isn't wrong.
but they are. it hurts to know that your good friend is blaming you for doing things to help her and another friend.
this sucks.
i'm still waiting.

Today : went out.
I visited my popular friends cause i was too bored.
simon drove me away.
zeng yu scolded me crazy
chu han suanned me.

fuck you all la. i hao xin go help you all you all lidat.
sua man -.-

BYE. No mood to upload pics.

2008-11-12T21:31:00.005+08:00

This shall be my final post before I officially MIA.
Many things happened today.
First it marks the end of my exams.
Yet no happiness could be felt.
Went into audi, being happy.
However, I really don't understand why people like to hate each other and avoid each other.
Shouldn't you guys sort things out and find out what really happenend?
Why must this happen?

And to you. Why must you force things on me.
I told you this. Yet you must misunderstand my meaning and make everyone so unhappy.
WHAT is the point. WHAT IS THE POINT.
I tried very hard ya know. To tell you what i'm thinking and what i'm not.
Yet you must think otherwise.
Utterly disappointed. Just felt as though I was talking to a wall.
Sua. Since you want put all the blame on yourself, I have nothing more to say.

Anyways, Jieyen and Congrui tried to find me a cpl in audi today.
But eventually they still failed.
Phailures laa! LOL.

Pictures taken in audi. I promised cr to post.

Me and congrui. Chio ;D

LOL My first cfm 188. Sibeh tyco ;D

Lol. Congrui can c6 Lmaoooo.

Lol, congrui can 40k for 190 LoveMode LOL . Nice laaa.

-.- Old pictures.

I'm emo-ing.
I'm emo-ing.
I'm emo-ing.
I'm emo-ing.

Fug Fug Fug Fug Fug Fug Fug Fug Fug Fug Fug Fug Fug Fug Fug.

T.T
Sua.

My first post!

2008-11-12T10:13:00.003+08:00

Hello!
I'm offically back to blogging after 999 years? ;D
My final 'O' level paper just ended. Err by right I should feel happy.
However -.-
Tomorrow marks my first day at work?
The pay is mathafugging LOW and I have to work for the bloody whole day.
Sigh, poor part timers like me D:
In addition, I have never worked before? For the past few years during holidays I've been stucked at home playing computer games. What a retard.
I don't know what's wrong with me. Why must i find trouble for myself by looking for a job LOL?
Anyway bless me that I won't umm. Quit after the first day? LOLLLLLLLL.

Kanasaiiii, thanks to congrui's influence i'm kind of addicted to audi and I can't STOP PLAYING. I have been playing for like the past few weeks during exams.. I played till 3 ytd and i woke up at 6. LMAOOOOOOO. Fug. I'm so dead
Tomorrow I have to work. So no more audi.. -.- MathaFUGG.

And i kind of regret finding a job.. I really wanted to sleep at home... D:
And i guess my blog would be dead after today? LOL. Cause by the time i reach home tomorrow I think i'll be sound asleep -.- FUGGGGGGGG
My work ends at 10pm. MathaFUG.
Don't ask me how much pay i'm getting. It's fucking low.
But at least better than Macs and Gv which are paying 3.50 and 4 per hour LOLLLL.
Actually I had a better paying job.. But it's in town..
And i'm LAZY TO TRAVEL CAUSE I WANNA SLEEP. LOL

Lol........ Lazy still want work.
You must be thinking i'm crazy eh? YA LA
WHY DID I EVER WANT TO WORK IN THE FIRST PLACE.
CAUSE OF MONEY! MA DE
Anyway. I really missed SYLVIA and BENNY
Lmao! Audi's maintainence now. Mathafuggg. My last day of play liao leh!

And now HuiTing's complaining that her cpl is pestering herr. LOLOLOLOL
Too bad ... Please love your cpl okay?! She loves you so much.
Okay that sounded lesb. w/e

Omg i forgot what i wanted to blog about. Errrr yah. I seriously hope i won't flunk my Physics and Social Studies paper. Godblessme D:

FUG I GOT THURSDAY BLUES. I don't wanna work D:
If the pay was better i would be like more motivated.. Sigh.. Help.
What if the boss hates me and um.
Force me to do weird things on the first day? AAAAAAAAAAA

Ok i'm thinking too much
Anyway i don't feel like going for grad night because....

I CANNOT FUGGING FIND A SUITABLE OUTFIT.
fug la! One grad night nia, need what stupid theme.
Glitz and Glamour. Ewwwwww please leh! I paid 75 bucks for it and now you want me to rack my brains and waste more money finding a stupid dress/skirt/shirt?
Bloody hell. I have no money la.
Even if i had, how the hell do i know what to choose?
Seriously, i don't feel like going.
But i really want to see Adrian Tay for the last time.
He's leaving boonlaysec, so is me. LOL D:

Ok my post is seriously long. But cool. cause i don't think i'll be blogging as long after today.! even if i had the energy to blog at 11pm, my sister would not let me use the computer cause its in her room and she wants to sleeeeeeeep.
Omfggggg. My life is ruined.
No motivation to live T.T
Loll, don't worry i won't suicide before my 'o' results are out.
I shall suicide after seeing my physics and ss grades.
anyway. i think i should stop here and curse audi now.
FASTER PATCH FINISH LAAA.
And im fugging noob .
and why am i even playing man!
Gheyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy
I have a male and female account.
Rightt.

I shall go entertain HuiTing in msn.
Ciaos!